Dad's wisdom

From Audrey

To Dad,

There's a shelf at our house where people just leave books. I found one called "the 100 year old man who climbed out the window and disappeared." For some reason it made me think of you haha I guess I thought you might have read it or you would like it. 

I think you would like it here. Have you been to Asia? I don't remember. The mountains are beautiful and you would be so happy hiking around in them. Although it's been really hazy while I'm here and I haven't even seen  the Himalayas. I don't believe in them they don't really exist. 

Anyway I just miss you. Like I'm wonderful and happy but I miss talking to you and playing settlers with everyone. Can you give me some advice? How do I obtain a stronger assertive personality? I mean I've made a lot of friends but I feel kind of shy sometimes here.  

Reply from Dad to Audrey

Hey there Namaste mi hija charmant 😊  That is a very multicultural introduction no? 

I’m glad you think of me when you see books.  Many books are among my very best friends.  Sharidean Flint right now is making me hurry through a Dickens classic though and I don’t like being rushed through my dessert.  I do hope that if I ever get to be 100 which is any day now I don’t climb out of a window and disappear… haha.  Here’s one review of that book about the 100 year old man that I found:  “Good fun if you’re looking for light entertaining nonsense with a history lesson thrown in at various stages along the way.” 

I think of you all the time, wondering what you’re doing every day and every hour and if you’re always with the people in your group or ever alone and feeling content or feeling lonely or feeling amazed at all the wonder and sadness and humanity you’re immersed in right now.    Having your phone here helps with thinking of you often.  I set Stockton Huskinson apart as a missionary last night and his family made terrible fun of me with a flowery phone case.  It’s an interesting piece of antique technology your phone is and it seems to be missing you.  It does odd things now and then and I am pretty sure it’s protesting being away from you.  It’s like that movie about the boy doll, it might actually be a living thing- Right now it’s new trick is that about half of the texts that are meant for me are showing up on Alicia’s phone so every night after work I have to come home and check her phone to see who texted me that day.

Mom and I got an email from Pam Tew tonight, wasn’t she an awesome YW leader?  You might be talking about her someday like mom talks about Sister Bowering.  She emailed us tonight asking us to be presenters in their stake relief society women’s conference next month talking on the topic:  “Navigating the Dating Terrain.”  How about that?  We both think you would be better qualified to talk to the YSA women about that than we are.  We’re too old and feeble.

I have been to far western Asia, in the summer of 1993 I lived in Israel for 2 months and we had short trips to the Sinai peninsula which is technically the northeast corner of Africa and to Amman, Jordan.   Amman was the least safe place I felt at of everywhere we went and I really only remember staying one or maybe two nights in a hotel there and not going anywhere at all in the city.  We played repeated vicious games of spoons over and over (by that time we all knew each other really well, it was at the end of the two months) and I remember getting thrown off of a bed and knocked to the floor at one point.  Probably everyone in rooms around us thought we were a bunch of terrorists.   Come to think of it I might have been safer wandering the streets of Amman all night instead of spoons with BYU students. 

I am sure I would love to see what you are seeing.  And while you may not believe in the Himalayas, you are actually in them.  The highest part is to your north, but you are in the southern edge of them.  Haha.  So go find a Himalaya Toshi station and see if there’s a pub!  I read a book called Seven Years in Tibet one time that made me fascinated with the city of Lhasa, I wonder if you ever hear about it there.  You’re not that far away.  The book took place when the Dalai Lama was a boy and still living there.

Your question on developing a stronger assertive personality was an interesting question.  There must be a reason you felt to ask me that-  I have known a lot of people with very strong, assertive personalities and they aren’t always pleasant people to be around.  Some people are so full of opinions and self confidence that they can’t see past the end of their own nose.  However, I have a feeling you’re talking about something very different. 

Elder Maxwell gave a talk called “Endure it Well” and toward the end of it he said this:

“You and I see in those who “endure it well” a quiet, peaceful majesty, an unspoken, inner awareness that, like Paul, they have “kept the faith.” And they know it, though they do not speak of it.”

I imagine you’re speaking of this ‘quiet, peaceful majesty’ or ‘unspoken, inner awareness’ that radiates from someone who has it but they are not likely to talk about it.  Grandpa Pincock is one who I think really has that.  I have admired him for the past almost 22 years as I have watched him wear that majesty, but never direct attention to it.  Even when he was so sick in the hospital after the esophageal tear 4+ years ago, he still had it even then.  Most truly great people let their actions and their achievements speak for themselves, they do not advertise them.  To walk humbly is not to be self demoralizing nor is it to be self congratulating.  It is something far greater and often misunderstood that is very content with self but looks to the wellbeing of others first.  It brings great courage and also great compassion.  There is a confidence that comes but it is not the kind of loud confidence you see in people like Scarlett O’Hara or Dr. Leo Marvin.  It is much more subtle, a confidence which listens more than talks and usually takes sufficient time to know its own mind and heart.  But it is a confidence which goes beyond the moment, which appreciates eternity in the balance.  (not the type of confidence you saw in your dear father the day of missing the plane in Georgia😊  when you suggested we sing an hymnnnn) 

My dear Audrey, you already have what you seek far more than you probably realize.  It’s part of your “magnetic” personality- people are attracted to you and drawn to you because they feel better about themselves when they are with you.  That does not limit by the way to the peers of your same age.  It is fully effective across language, age, and cultural barriers.  If you are true to who you are and what you know, I guarantee those in your group now will come to feel your deep, quiet, majestic confidence in time.  And with consistent good choices and experience, that confidence will grow stronger and stronger. 

I love you and miss you- and I am proud of you for who you are and are becoming.

Love, Dad

Reply from Audrey to Dad

Hola mon Papi-ji 

Me gusta tapeikko lettre to me. 

Translation: thank you for emailing me haha. Your writing makes me feel like you're sitting right next to me and that makes me feel happy. 😁 you will write a book someday, won't you? About me obviously. I mean what else is there to write about. 

Don't let Sheridean tell you what to do! You eat that dickens dessert any way you want, you hear?

I've been reading that book a little and it is my friend. :) I can't say it's my best friend but it is doing good things for my soul so it's a close friend. But I'm only on page 16 or something, and Alan (the 100 year old man) has stolen a suitcase from a violent Hippie but can't unlock it. Oh no! 

Your thoughts on what I'm doing and feeling are pretty accurate. I feel a lot of emotions every day and every hour. It's a never ending blur of HAPPY SAD MAD ANNOYED REALLY EXCITED HAPPY IN AWE AGAIN LONELY FED UP SAD SCARED HAPPY CONFUSED

The humanity. 

the negative emotions can get really really negative. But the positive ones are like x20 in happiness and come more often than the bad ones. I have found a love for this place that goes kind of deep. Despite the dirt and the constant hawking of loogies and the people that try to sell you everything, I love it. 

Stockton! He's a good kid. I hope he is well. 

Hahaha my phone and I have an unbreakable bond. It's probably my horcrux and that's why it's rebelling against you. If you're not careful it might attack your or something. Your phone is much speedier, however, and I'm becoming good pals with it also. Thanks for letting me bring it.  

Ps it takes a real man to use his daughters flowery phone case. 

Hahaha! You guys have had some interesting adventures in the dating terrain. I think you're very qualified! Just talk about ping pong (or whiff whaff, as the English call it). 

Himalayan toshi station 😂😂😂 that made me laugh so Freaking hard. I think I'll go look for one, I need to stock up on power converters.

Hey thanks mucho for the thoughts on confidence and quiet majesty. I've been thinking about that a lot this week since you sent it, and analyzing myself and the people I'm with. I have found myself in some situations where I've felt very uncomfortable and since you sent that, it's been really easy to know what to do without having to care what anyone thinks of me. I've learned that 

a) being alone is better than being without the spirit 

b) people are more accepting than I assume, and will usually be that way if you own your integrity

c) the word of wisdom is so so important 

d) it's ok to be quiet 

e) everyone, EVERYONE regardless of race or status or attitude is a child of God whether or not they believe it. 

And lots of other things. Thinking of grandpa Pincock makes me happy. 

I have been reading in Matthew 15 and I can't quite understand Christ's interaction with the woman of Canaan. In verse 26 where he says "it is not meet to take the children's bread, and cast it to dogs." I don't get what he was trying to teach. Help? 

Thank you for supporting me and being my dad. I sometimes cry because I feel so grateful for you. I love you as much as annakin loved padme 

Scratch that. I love you as much as electricity loves metal poles. 

Haha ok sorry 

Have a happy Sunday :) 

Ps the dog's name is Kali and she lives at our house but no one knows what kind of dog she is. What does she look like to you? 

Reply from  Dad 1/17/16

Hello Audrey,

Matthew 15 is a great image to talk about.  Truly one of my favorites, probably because I love dogs- why else would I have chosen my profession…

The Master Teacher was obviously trying to teach something through an image.  So first, to truly understand what he is saying, get the image in your head that he uses:  A dog begging at the table.  Think of how you personally feel when a dog begs at the table.  It probably matters how you feel if the dog is sassy and demanding and obese from already getting too many twinkies or whether it is skinny and lonely and sincerely friendly.  Whatever you imagine, it’s the basic image of the story to keep in mind.

There are laws and promises given to certain groups of people- it has always been that way.  During this time, the promises given to the covenant people of Israel was that they were to be the first in being taught the gospel and enjoying its blessings.  This woman with the daughter possessed of a devil was not of covenant Israel, she was a Caananite, or a Gentile and therefore generally not eligible for the blessings at that time.  Peter receives the revelation in Acts 10 that the gospel is then to go forth to all the world, Jew or Gentile… and then after the Restoration it was prophesied that the last shall be first and the first shall be last- in part meaning that the Gentiles would the first in the latter days, and the Jews would be last- so anyway there is the background for the Savior delaying the miracle to the Gentile woman for a bit.  It’s the principle of promises and blessings given to certain groups of people. 

SO here we have a Gentile woman asking for a miracle.  And she is persistent.  And she has great faith in the Savior.  And she gets compared to a dog (Hebrew: Kunarion: literally, little dog, a household dog, a pet—not a stray or a wild dog) and the woman takes the metaphor to include a table and crumbs.  She demonstrates persistence, and faith.  And even though not of covenant Israel, she qualifies for a miracle.  Many principles here at work- one of which is the promises made to groups of people, but an overriding principle seems to be the faith and sincerity of an individual.  And another principle has to be mentioned here in between:  that there are some principles which can override others. 

It was obviously a test of faith for a mother, to see if she really qualified for an exception, and she did.  Her story is a great story- since mercy is the principle underlying an exception.  And when we all face a day of judgment, we all hope we find mercy as an underlying principle.

So back to the image of the dog, persistently begging at the table.  Sometimes you might give in and sometimes you might not.  Probably depending on what behavior you want to reinforce.  You don’t want to reinforce a demanding attitude, but you do want to reinforce true loyalty and faithfulness.  The Savior’s reward to that woman I think reinforces that He wants all of us to imitate her in a way- to ask for blessings sincerely and with faith and persistence, even when you may feel ignored at first and turned away next, don’t stop asking for what is right.  Often times a desired and righteous blessing will eventually come.

Sorry so long and detailed, but since you have no Gospel Doctrine or Mission prep right now, maybe that can be a little compensation this Sunday night.

Last night mom and I drove back home so we could both be at a bunch of meetings today.  We set apart a new high priests group leadership in the 3^rd ward today and Riley Cook gave his farewell talk today in the 1^st ward.  We also had our quarterly family search library board meeting which sounds about as bad as it is, but they need to happen and they happen every 3 months and I have been asked to oversee them.  And mom went to BYC and combined YW and all of it was awesome in our ward apparently.  And she started a migraine last night but she’s better now.  So we’re driving right now back to the Clue House and I’m typing this in the passenger seat.  Grandma and Grandpa Pincock have a new calling- ward missionaries..  and Grandma is better now from her cold she had.  How is your cold by the way?  Hopefully going away.  Driving last night through the canyon was really bad, but today it’s much much better.  Funniest moment of the white elephant party last night:  Aaron putting on leopard tights which were borderline pornographic and prancing around.  Brad was playing with us via Skype since Adam was diagnosed with mono yesterday and had to go home.  AJ ended up opening a “man bun” which is like a wig but just of a man bun only that you somehow pin to your head and it sent Cristy in to a Grandma Pincock hysteric fit.  We played a horrible game of Catan just for you yesterday with the biggest board we’ve ever attempted and my mistake was making us play to 20 points.  We found out that is a really bad idea.  So when you come home we’ll just play regular and it will be great.  If I can get anyone to ever play with me again after that game.  Mom actually made it to 19 points before we quit since her getting her last point would have taken another hour of playing.  The Odgen temple was awesome yesterday for baptisms.  We might just make that a part of Clue House tradition.  The temple is literally 7 minutes away and all we’re doing is sitting around in our pajamas being non productive anyway.  Well, thanks for your awesome email.  I got it early this morning when I got up frustrated with some little detail to do with my board meeting today and it was so perfect to read it right then.  I also had the music to one of the temple films in my head this morning and now every time I see that film I will probably think of that morning and your email that made my day.

Love you,

Dad