A big fat joyous welcome home!

All you have to do is read one more 10/30/17

The impossible

I guess sitting here in this little office where ive been so grateful for wifi and air conditioning is making me all nostalgic.. snif.

or maybe it's the fact that this is the last email. lol. watch out nicholas sparks

well its been a walk to remember.

imma try and keep this short... theres so many thoughts and feelings rolling through my personal space today. actually its been a while that i feel like that. like, 18 months.

It's sometimes fun to think of how much fun God had when he created us and our complicated little brains, think about it. our knowledge is so small compared to His and everything he has and is, and yet we overcomplicate everything. Perhaps the smarter we are, the more simple life all seems to us. at least thats how i feel after 18 months of becoming more smart. I cant say ive become smart in the eyes of the world. i didnt learn SQUAT about computer systems or mathematics or hyperboles.

but i feel more intelligent anyway

before my mission i wrote a little book for young womens personal progress and i called that book "what smiles are made of." it was full of things that made me happy and had all these cute pictures of nature that id taken with my iphone. :) rainbows and butterflies for days. it made my mom proud at least hahaha it was cute ok?

i guess all of this that im saying has to do with the fact that i feel like im made of different things now. the heart that is in my chest is the same one that i had there a year and a half ago and it beats at the same rate.. i think, but now my heart is full of a thousand names and faces that used to be strangers to me. people that never in all my life i would have thought i would become close to. im made of their stories, of their challenges and of their senses of humor. ive seen people change and become completely different people and it doesnt make any sense to the eye of the beholder, if he or she doesnt understand what is happening underneath. the truth is, we all dont understand each other because there is no mortal who can read the mind or feel the feelings of another person, not that i know of. BUT! and i am grateful to say that i know this with my entire being

there is someone who (thankfully) knows those things, and therefore knows exactly what to do to solve every single problem that exists within each one of us, and he helps us when and if we are willing to walk into his arms that are always open to receive us. then he helps us, he changes us, and sometimes that change is painful. we have to adjust certain things, we have to let our pride go, put our head down, promise to be a good kid and stop living selfishly and just help others

and in return this man, our Savoir Jesus Christ gives us a pathway and an eternal helping hand that leads to things we cannot imagine with these small brains God created for us. at least now we dont know the extent of joy that we will have if we are simply FAITHFUL and valliantly so to be able to follow Him.

And that is what has been changed in me personally. my heart is made of palm trees, dark skin, small skinny black eyed children flying kites in the road. bathrooms with holes in the walls and no one cares because theres no snow anyway, one bottle of water for the entire family and no one cares because we are all brothers and sisters who have the same germs. i dont know what carpet is anymore or what it means to sleep underneath large blankets or not have a super strango tanline. the cars that got stuck in tiny tiny roads and the chicken we eat for every meal along with rice and melted snow cone juice. that every time we walk into certain houses it smells like fish and in other houses it smells like coconut oil, and rarely rarely do i feel like the servant of god, i feel like the one being served. the millions of kisses planted on my head from all sorts of different lips everywhere and the complaints of poor papi tautu that he cant kiss the sisters, little rosina and her brother tua who give me a hug every time i see them and all the children whos eyes shine when i talk to them in my funny accent. ill miss sitting in homemade chairs made from various cupboard doors next to the sound of waves while we do our lesson and eat bananas. ill miss most of all my dear friends and sisters that ive made in serving with 8 different companions, their laughter and stupid stupid jokes together and our differences that became beautiful to me after a humbled myself. their examples to me that i will never forget. the realisation that every single person i met i think i needed to meet, especially mami salome who just changed my entire life and i dont know if ill ever see her again, it breaks my heart in a very real way. the very real way that a mission in tahiti is not a vacation- a vacation should not make one feel more alone at times than thought possible, or be so hard that you need to curl up in a small corner and cry. im made of the worst times where i pleaded my Heavenly Father for a pardon and i received it, along with the most sacred moments of my life on dirty tile floors that showed my really how much he exists and loves me. im made of his eternal presence, i know he is with us. thinking about how the Charles Dickens was right when he said through Jacob Marley

"Mankind was my business." and this is why he helped me learn two languages, and teach through them and through the spirit, and he helped me truly truly feel like i was making a difference in the small (but large) way that i can. he helped me forget myself

  im made of sacrament meetings and the unlikely people who showed up and made us thank heavenly father for pushing them to come, and im made of their tears when they finally found out that everything we said wasnt a joke.

itaia the 13 year old said to us the other day as we taught his family "everyone listens to you two! how do you do it? are you witches?"

truth is i dont even know the answer to that. i mean ive always held on to that little bit of hope that i wasnt a muggle... but i think the real magic doesnt actually come from the missionaries but the name on their chests. ive loved being a part of this army, the army of Jesus Christ. it's not a joke :) i know what ive learned and what ive learned to teach is TRUE, and that truth frees us. and i am free because now i am a true witness of what that truth does to people.

i have seen miracles and i cannot deny them.

im so full of love, ive been blessed so much i have not room to receive it. i dont have room in my suitcases to bring it all home 

ua hinaaro vau ia hoi mai i ta u fenua here i te hoe mahana. aita vau i heru ia farii te mau haamaitairaa mai tera i tau oraraa, ua here vau i te fenua tahiti no to mea ua farii vau ia iesu mesia i o nei.

i wish i could just send pics next week because the most miraculous family is ready to be baptised this saturday. Levy, Elvina and Titaua (the parents and the sister of little itaia.) if any of you have ever doubted yourselves, dont because the heavens opened on this little confused and lost family because their small son had the courage to do something different with his life.

the last and greatest truth is

HE LIVES.

and he accomplished the impossible.

in the name of Jesus Christ, amen

Letter from Dad 10/30/17

Hello Queen Audrey Anna the Resolute,

Do you recall the scene from “The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe” where Aslan crowns the 2 sons of Adam and the 2 daughters of Eve and gives them their royal titles?

“To the glistening eastern sea, I give you Queen Lucy the Valiant. To the great western woods, King Edmund the Just. To the radiant southern sun, Queen Susan the Gentle. And to the clear northern skies, I give you King Peter the Magnificent. Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. May your wisdom grace us until the stars rain down from the heavens.”

Have you ever wondered what your own title might have been in that scene?  There are a lot of words in scripture to describe those who are true disciples of Jesus Christ.  I have been pondering on what title I would now give you, at this time of completion.  I thought of a few, including “Audrey the Stalwart” and “Audrey the Steadfast.”  A writer named Francis Gibbons who was a member of the Seventy about 25 years ago wrote a series of prophetic biographies, all ending with the phrase “Prophet of God.”  Joseph Fielding Smith was well known for his gospel knowledge and study over a long lifetime and his biography was titled “Joseph Fielding Smith, Gospel Scholar, Prophet of God.”  President Benson was known for his patriotism and government service and had the title “Ezra Taft Benson, Statesman, Patriot, Prophet of God.   President Kimball, who was really the prophet of my childhood has my favorite title, and one I’ve pondered a lot on: “Spencer W. Kimball, Resolute Disciple, Prophet of God.”  That is where I chose the title at the beginning of today’s email from.  The word “resolute” defines as:

firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion

I am guessing that you, my Royal Resolute Daughter, are feeling a flood of emotions right now and the probable reaction for this coming week is going to be to bury yourself in work and pretend that next week isn’t coming.  Kind of like Grover in his book “There is a Monster at the End of this Book” that you’ll probably remember.  And if you do that I will be more proud than I can say.  One of the memories I most treasure from my whole mission came the week my parents came to pick me up.  We had already had our final testimony meeting with the end group, my fellow missionaries had already flown home, I had already had my final interview with the President and we took one last trip up north to Coquimbo to visit my favorite (and most distant) area.  It was the last thing we did before leaving Chile.  We had a big farewell party with so many people that I loved there and stayed overnight and the currently serving missionaries in that ward had a sick companion and a lesson to teach that night and I can’t remember how I found out about their dilemma but I gladly volunteered to go in the sick missionary’s place.  I hadn’t been released yet, so I was still an official missionary and went to teach one last lesson.  The missionary I went with commented that he couldn’t believe I was going with him since I was officially done and I answered something about how much I loved being a missionary… but that last night of teaching has since become one of my very favorite memories of all. 

Halloween party this week.  AJ and Nicole were voted the best costume of all.  But you won’t have any idea who they are until you come home and watch a TV show that is all the rage right now.  It’s kind of a recreation of the scene in E.T. where they go flying in the air on a bike.  And the rest of us you’ll get no problem I’m sure.  It is one of our better years for costumes although mine was too small and I couldn’t breathe.  But one family member hated his costume way more than I did… haha

Yesterday we had a great birthday party for Isaac who is now 13.  He got food, clothes, money, Legos, and a new phone.  And his own phone number.  Which I haven’t memorized yet. 

Know how much we love you and how much we are anticipating next week.  Audrey, you are such a blessing in our family.  Thank you for being a missionary these past 18 months.  You have served well and faithfully.  Matthew 25:23

I’ll end my email today with the lyrics to the ending song from the “Prince Caspian” Narnia movie which I think are extremely profound.  And remind me so much of the beginning and end of serving a mission:

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

Love, Dad

P.S.  And remember that Grover finds at the end of the book that everything turns out just fine. 😊

Taken 5 10/23/17

yo de lay hee hoooooooo

i live with two girls from france and one from switzerland. the swiss sister taught me how to yodel properly. you have to go into the mountains to do it, though, and also have a cow to yodel TO, but in any case i know the requirements now.

ive learned a lot of european things in the last few weeks of my life. like how to shave my legs by violently ripping out the hairs with a machine, how to sing french musicals, and put clay on my face. ive been taught which cheeses to try and mostly which ones to never go anywhere near (by the way, swiss cheese isnt really.. well, swiss). and i learned that one day i WILL go to europe. if it kills me.

anywho.

Rosina and Steeve got baptised this thursday!!!!!!!!! another man with my dads name is in the church. im so proud of them. :) rosina is 9 and Steeve is like 45 and they have absolutely no connection whatsoever... everyone kept on congratulating the father and his daughter, but then they just looked at each other with awkwardness and would say, "hes not my dad" or "i dont have any kids..." hahahaha i was way too entertained during the service. in tahiti baptisms are a big deal, after the service we put flower and seashell necklaces on the person who got dunked, kiss them, and go eat. actually those three things happen about everytime there is a party. necklaces, kissing, and food. tamaa maitai.

the young adults in our ward tricked us. they told us last wednesday night they had a reference for us to teach and so we picked two of them up (maud and teipo) and went to the church. they made us wait upstairs with them, saying their friends were coming soon. we just joked around until finally they said "oh they are here!" so we went back downstairs, then they led us outside and all of this was a little bit weird and fishy because there were cars everywhere and no sign of any investigator. then they covered our eyes and took us captive! it was intense and dark. when they let us open our eyes there was almost the entire ward playing their ukeleles and laughing with their beautiful eyes. in the middle of it all were two chairs just for sr meloen and i. we looked at each other with panic and almost started crying because our dang ward had thrown a surprise party for us. we played games, received lots of presents and sang songs. best thing ever. they made us bear our testimonies and i had no idea what to say... i just feel lost inside and empty.? but full. i ate so much this week. what is this?

im happy. life is great. i cant explain how much i love these people so i wont try peut etre.

i love you all!!!! see you next time

surprise party dab pics

us with our tahitian gifts

rosina :) i dont have a pic of steeve yet sorry

happy wednesday 10/18/17u hn

heyiiiiiii world!! heres my experience from this weeek i wanna share cause its so cool! pardon my french in it... i copied it from another email.

story of itaia
the miracle i saw this week was... ok i wish i could tellyou all of them. that would talk pages and hours and malheureusement we dont have time for that.
I dont know if you read about Itaia, hes a 13 year old boy who used to smoke 3 packs a day. his situation was tres grave, actually. he did so many betises that the people in his quartier were sick of him and threw rocks at him if he came by, stuff like that. street fights and what not. its always hard for me to picture my 13 year old bro being involved in that junk. but anyway, the lessons changed him. we dont even know what the deciding factor was for him but he stopped smoking and started being a good boy. gospel changes behavoir quuuuooiiiii :)
his behavior changed his mom's behavior who used to hit her children and was a recluse in the house, she threw rocks at the sister missionaries before as well so we never went to their house haha. until one day when she invited us. ca faisait peur mais on est parti quand meme avec une grosse priere de ne pas devenir les tentatives de meurte... lol but the impression she gave us was not that, in fact she is very douce and humble and just wanted to thank us for changing her son. and also that she wanted to be baptised. turns out she just has some major life problems and depression. hence the rocks avant...
so she came to itaias baptism on saturday WITH HER HUSBAND AND THEY ARE MARRIED, which was the first time in a very long time she had left the security of her home. she also came to church sunday with her husband again, and then we went over ther monday. pretty much the whole family wants the lessons and the mom and dad talked to us about baptism and a change they have seen in their family that they dont quite understand, but they love.

whats more, in a different sector just a coté, there is a couple who the elders helped be married and baptised on saturday. they just happen to be the  godfather and godmother of itaia. we didnt plan that out but they all celebrated together and cried a lot.

 i just dont understand. its one of those things you just watch happen, it unfolds before your eyes and it's obvious that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE DOING THIS. nothing that we have done should have or would have changed these people, i mean we just taught them and invited them, the normal stuff. dealt with the stress of family problems and organizing baptism problems, trying to get itaia to stop smoking and saying the F word problems... but in all logical sense this shouldnt have happened. something changed them and its called the Spirit!!! i wish i knew at what moment that happened, but im not sure it was one moment. it was a series of small truths that penetrated the hearts and made a miracle. yesterday at our multizone conference elder ardern said soemthing along the lines of

"miracles dont often happen in one sweep, they are more often than not a series of small events that come together and lead to one life changing conclusion."

and thus it is. we also have two baptisms tomorrow for Rosina the 9 year old and Steve the older man and im so proud of them!!!! im so proud of all the people who have the courage to change their lives even if their families and friends get mad, because they know that God will be happy!

guys. im not ready to be done with this great life i live. maybe im so tired i feel like im gonna die and maybe i have no clothes left because i gave them to people but i dont wanna be done being a missionary. beh. more on that later, i still have 3 weeks. :) and im a lucky duck for these three weeks

other things that happened were that my companion got hit on the head by a 9 yaer old boy for singing, we walked to theocean a few times, laughed a lot and ate fun food, and mami salome gave me a ukelele!!!!!! shoutout to her.

pics, itaia and his family (hes the young boy with the flower necklace)

a cute tahitian and her river 

other stuff

the deteriorating mami durrant finds her love for the chilluns 10/10/17

i realise this is being sent really late at night and stuff

but i love you all so ill send it in hopes that there are some survivors other than my mom who still faithfully read my group emails. anyone? anyone?

soooooo

tired.

thats all i can really think. they all told me this would happen. they said i would physically crumble at the end of my mission without any explanation. i said no i dont even need sleep its fine.

now the girl who used to stay up until 4 am wants to sleep by 8 pm. whoooo... who is this grandma je suis devenu...

i think though its for good reasons. we did so many lessons this week. we are actually at the point where we have so many amis who want the lessons so badly that there are too many lessons we can possibly do between the two of us (like it says in the white bible, but i never thought that would actually become true), so we did splits with members like all week long and it was super productive and tiring!!! i dont know if ive ever worked so hard in all my mission. and it was hot. man it was hot this week. good thing we have the air conditioning.

we teach mostly children and sr meloen and i were so touched this week by the numerous, simple actions that children take to gain faith in jesus christ. i saw some very sacred things happen in the testimonies of young kids this week and it was just so sweet... i love that children are so close to heavenly father. its a different kind of searching that they do once they search to know who he is, it is just pure and sincere and beautiful and simple. and it leads them to know very real things that we as adults forget sometimes. (did i just call myself an adult? i still feel like im 14) even though little rosina asks me for a different present every time i see her and its a little annoying, i give stuff to her anyway because i feel that love that heavenly father has for her and that he is so proud that she learned how to pray and prays every day now and taught her little brother how to pray also. she even convinced her mom to come to church with her. children are powerful. they speak with the tongue of angels

we were supposed to go on a hike today that was gonna be super cool, but it didnt work out for technical reasons and i was really sad and mad. but we did a different hike that was also pretty. it was like 8 kilometers and a lot of it was on the road lol. my legs hurt im out of shape.

also we had a sisters conference at presidents house and i loved that thing so much. i felt like i wzs back in young womens at testimony meeting and we all cry because you just feel the love man! i dont know why when a bunch of girls get together for spiritual stuff it is SO SPIRITUAL. like we cant get along if its not for something spiritual but otherwise whoopdeedoo. but i love these sisters... its hard knowing that many of them i wont see again pretty soon

other than that i dont know what to say. i love my mission and i will always love it. if there is any advice i could give to any young adolescent, lost or confident, short or tall, faithful or doubtful, it is go serve a mission. you go out there and you serve your Savior who served you enough already. it doesnt matter that we are not perfect but god needs YOU!

elder roi in his prime, a good advertisement and just a cute situation

 you!!!! you whom i love so. thanks for all your emails. dont be trunky for me just pray for me to finish strong!! hahaha theres lots of emotions happening in my life right now... its crazy. i dont know what all of you did your last 4 weeks of the mission but its like nothing ive ever experienced in my life! i feel like half of me is dying and half of me is being born again and half of me is the one giving birth... all of those are good things technically but its a lot to take in.

i wont be sending an email next monday but it will be next wednesday(the 18th). we have a conference with elder ardent (?) who is a 70 and he will be here monday. so its not a pday.

as for other things dont worry about me. just tell me how to register for classes at usu (i let the byu thing go for now lol hope you are rejoicing)

super sad im missing the halloween party but send me pictures :)

*

thats super cool of scott and karen to let that girl live with them.

aj and nicole dont die at school i need you as tutors after

ian looking good even though your foot is being stupid and your football team doesnt win. thanks for the poem. i like to see that nothing has changed

teesh you just keep running. you remind me of me when i started cross country because now you dont have time to email me about the details. sad day

frosty dad sent me a picture of his 4th grade class and i found him, after i thought it was you. but there is a little boy named Iona that i know and he is 9 but he looks just like you. it is weird for me too. i think im the most scared to see you

mom ive been an stl since august but idk why he just sent that haha. and soon you will be the one making girls laugh in the nursing home.

dad i sometimes feel like you will have a lot of fun in tahiti because you will just astound the tahitians. ive never heard a tahitian talk about shakespeare. but thanks for the quotes to keep me literarily intellectual. i dont know if thats a word.

i love you all bon soireeeeeeee taoto maitai 

The perks of being murican

hi!!! i only have what feels like 24 seconds to write like 245 details from this week. i guess ill sum it up into the most important parts

we had a really giant week planned out.. tons of lessons and contacts with references because this ward is AMAZING!! they just understand missionary work and are very unified, willing, and motivated and flipping FUNNY. i think im happy to die here.

but then transfers happened and sr durrant gets called as the stake taxi driver so tuesday our lessons had to all be cancelled. it was fun though, we got to see everyone receive their new missionaries and go walk around this cool book store in the city that ive always wanted to see. shoutout to my dad who likes book stores. too bad everything was in french dang it

during tuesday my comp and i came down with a bad sort of cold and were like dying.. then wednesday i woke up and thought i was dead, but we had tons of lessons that day also so we tried our best. my comp ended up not making it. i left her at a members house where she sat on a bed in front of a tv surrounded by children.. i left with a vain hope she wouldnt be forced to watch the tv. more on that later. we did a split after that and i took a soon to be missionary with me to do the rest of the lessons, which were only with children which requires a lot of energy haha. it was fun but since i had a cold my ears were clogged and i started to have an ear ache that got worse and worse. pretty soon i was acting like a granny trying to hear the children and then saying "ouch talk slower that hurts my ear!" when we finally finished i was really in pain so i decided to go take an advil and sit on my bed. sr meloen told me stories about how the children had watched minecraft and justin beiber videos for 3 hours. but nothing happened because of my advil, it just got worse and i wanted to cry lol. we called some of our leaders and they told us to go to the doctor but it was 8:00 at night. everything closes in tahiti at 8:00, even the doctors office. so our leaders panicked and they came all the way from papeete to INSIST to take me to the ER for my stupid ear infection and it took them like an hour to come, then an hour to get to the hospital and then an hour in the waiting room (they told me it was only an hour because im american). and then an hour for the french doctor to come see me. i just sat sadly in a blanket on the paper covered bed and wondered how the crap i got into this situation, midnight tahitian hospital jumping and i was still in a dress! never done that before.

on the bright side i got to sleep in Pirae, where both Sr. Andrus and Sr. Spencer live!!!! my two best friends that i lived with for 6 months... it was so nice to see them again. and the nice doctor told me my inner ear was very messed up and gave me some meds and ear drops. yahoo. but now it doesnt hurt anymore so yay :)

what i learned from this experience

 if youre ever at a tahitian hospital, be american because they will give you special treatment

never wake up sister andrus in the middle of the night. she gets really scared

take dolipran for pain

if you leave your companion with children and their grandma, most likely she will be forced to watch minecraft youtube

i dont like hospitals

BUT HOLD ON WE HAVE A MIRACLE IT WAS SO COOL

itaia, a 13 year old boy we teach, wanted to be baptised and said his mom wanted to see us after he told her. we were scared because we have heard a lot of stories about her, that you should never go to her house because she will throw spoons at you and scream and stuff and you will never see her child again. but we went anyway and what did we find? a lovely, humble, short woman who was sincerely happy to see us. she welcomed us onto her cement porch and proceeded to tell us her story. Her son used to wake up at 5 am, go to the road with his friends, skip school to smoke all day and street fight, and not return home until midnight the next night. she takes care of her 7 kids who all have problems and sometimes feels depressed, so she drinks and then fights with her husband and her children and neglects them. but then, in TWO WEEKS (and perhaps this is the amazing part) her son suddenly and without explanation stopped smoking altogether, started to work hard at school and treated his little brother with love, and she was so shocked that she humbly asked him why the change. he told her two white girls came to tell him smoking was bad for him and that he was better than that. and that he wanted to be baptised in their church because an old man at church had told him to and those words kept going through his head endlessly.
then she stopped drinking. and she decided she wanted to follow her son. so now shes reading scriptures instead of yelling and shes praying for us instead of throwing spoons at us.

i love what we do :) we didnt do anything really, my companion just showed some hope for a little teenage boy she had met a few months ago because she had a spiritual impression. and we started to joke around with him, encourage him and become his friend and teach him and his friends. in reality all we did was become his friends who prayed for him and who believed that he could do it. and he did!!! whoah. the scriptures are true and im proud of Itaia.

well thats all folks. ill try and send photos some day. nanaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ps GENERAL CONFERENCE WAS SO GOOD ALSO!!!!! probably my favorite ever. when elder zwick talked about the lion king.

look beyond what you see. 🦁