The impossible
I guess sitting here in this
little office where ive been so grateful for wifi and air conditioning is
making me all nostalgic.. snif.
or maybe it's the fact that
this is the last email. lol. watch out nicholas sparks
well its been a walk to
remember.
imma try and keep this short...
theres so many thoughts and feelings rolling through my personal space today.
actually its been a while that i feel like that. like, 18 months.
It's sometimes fun to think of how much fun God had when he
created us and our complicated little brains, think about it. our knowledge is
so small compared to His and everything he has and is, and yet we
overcomplicate everything. Perhaps the smarter we are, the more simple life all
seems to us. at least thats how i feel after 18 months of becoming more smart.
I cant say ive become smart in the eyes of the world. i didnt learn SQUAT about
computer systems or mathematics or hyperboles.
but i feel more intelligent anyway
before my mission i wrote a little book for young womens
personal progress and i called that book "what smiles are made of."
it was full of things that made me happy and had all these cute pictures of
nature that id taken with my iphone. :) rainbows and butterflies for days. it
made my mom proud at least hahaha it was cute ok?
i guess all of this that im saying has to do with the fact
that i feel like im made of different things now. the heart that is in my chest
is the same one that i had there a year and a half ago and it beats at the same
rate.. i think, but now my heart is full of a thousand names and faces that
used to be strangers to me. people that never in all my life i would have
thought i would become close to. im made of their stories, of their challenges
and of their senses of humor. ive seen people change and become completely
different people and it doesnt make any sense to the eye of the beholder, if he
or she doesnt understand what is happening underneath. the truth is, we all
dont understand each other because there is no mortal who can read the mind or
feel the feelings of another person, not that i know of. BUT! and i am grateful
to say that i know this with my entire being
there is someone who (thankfully) knows those things, and
therefore knows exactly what to do to solve every single problem that exists
within each one of us, and he helps us when and if we are willing to walk into
his arms that are always open to receive us. then he helps us, he changes us,
and sometimes that change is painful. we have to adjust certain things, we have
to let our pride go, put our head down, promise to be a good kid and stop
living selfishly and just help others
and in return this man, our Savoir Jesus Christ gives us a
pathway and an eternal helping hand that leads to things we cannot imagine with
these small brains God created for us. at least now we dont know the extent of
joy that we will have if we are simply FAITHFUL and valliantly so to be able to
follow Him.
And that is what has been changed in me personally. my heart
is made of palm trees, dark skin, small skinny black eyed children flying kites
in the road. bathrooms with holes in the walls and no one cares because theres
no snow anyway, one bottle of water for the entire family and no one cares
because we are all brothers and sisters who have the same germs. i dont know
what carpet is anymore or what it means to sleep underneath large blankets or
not have a super strango tanline. the cars that got stuck in tiny tiny roads
and the chicken we eat for every meal along with rice and melted snow cone
juice. that every time we walk into certain houses it smells like fish and in
other houses it smells like coconut oil, and rarely rarely do i feel like the
servant of god, i feel like the one being served. the millions of kisses
planted on my head from all sorts of different lips everywhere and the
complaints of poor papi tautu that he cant kiss the sisters, little rosina and
her brother tua who give me a hug every time i see them and all the children
whos eyes shine when i talk to them in my funny accent. ill miss sitting in
homemade chairs made from various cupboard doors next to the sound of waves
while we do our lesson and eat bananas. ill miss most of all my dear friends
and sisters that ive made in serving with 8 different companions, their
laughter and stupid stupid jokes together and our differences that became
beautiful to me after a humbled myself. their examples to me that i will never
forget. the realisation that every single person i met i think i needed to
meet, especially mami salome who just changed my entire life and i dont know if
ill ever see her again, it breaks my heart in a very real way. the very real
way that a mission in tahiti is not a vacation- a vacation should not make one
feel more alone at times than thought possible, or be so hard that you need to
curl up in a small corner and cry. im made of the worst times where i pleaded
my Heavenly Father for a pardon and i received it, along with the most sacred
moments of my life on dirty tile floors that showed my really how much he
exists and loves me. im made of his eternal presence, i know he is with us.
thinking about how the Charles Dickens was right when he said through Jacob
Marley
"Mankind was my business." and this is why he
helped me learn two languages, and teach through them and through the spirit,
and he helped me truly truly feel like i was making a difference in the small
(but large) way that i can. he helped me forget myself
im made of sacrament meetings and the unlikely people
who showed up and made us thank heavenly father for pushing them to come, and
im made of their tears when they finally found out that everything we said
wasnt a joke.
itaia the 13 year old said to us the other day as we taught
his family "everyone listens to you two! how do you do it? are you
witches?"
truth is i dont even know the answer to that. i mean ive
always held on to that little bit of hope that i wasnt a muggle... but i think
the real magic doesnt actually come from the missionaries but the name on their
chests. ive loved being a part of this army, the army of Jesus Christ. it's not
a joke :) i know what ive learned and what ive learned to teach is TRUE, and that
truth frees us. and i am free because now i am a true witness of what that
truth does to people.
i have seen miracles and i cannot deny them.
im so full of love, ive been blessed so much i have not room
to receive it. i dont have room in my suitcases to bring it all home
ua hinaaro vau ia hoi mai i ta u fenua here i te hoe mahana.
aita vau i heru ia farii te mau haamaitairaa mai tera i tau oraraa, ua here vau
i te fenua tahiti no to mea ua farii vau ia iesu mesia i o nei.
i wish i could just send pics next week because the most
miraculous family is ready to be baptised this saturday. Levy, Elvina and
Titaua (the parents and the sister of little itaia.) if any of you have ever
doubted yourselves, dont because the heavens opened on this little confused and
lost family because their small son had the courage to do something different
with his life.
the last and greatest truth is
HE LIVES.
and he accomplished the impossible.
in the name of Jesus Christ, amen
No comments:
Post a Comment